As 2015 bows out

 With the year 2015 very rapidly coming to an end, a lot of people are yet to wrap their heads around the fact that the year has gone by so fast.


2015 has been both good and awesome depending on where you are looking from. Those who know how to see the good in every situation already know it's been a great year.
Oh, it hasn't been perfect.
Yes, it came with it's fair share of disappointments and heartbreaks and pains but in all,  life lessons have been taught and learnt.

Knowing December for what it is, i know it's a time when  people tend to count more of their losses than their gains. All these wonderful things have happened throughout the year but people would rather focus on the things that could have been but didn't quite play out. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we let the disappointments of the past make the future look uncertain?  Why let so much negativity set it?

Truth is, there's nobody who has it easy. Little delays and challenges here and there but  in the end, don't let them defeat you. It's part of how life rubs off on you to make you stronger. So as 2015 gives way to 2016, learn to smile in the face of adversity.
Hold on tight, with your head held high and walk into 2016 determined to have the year unfold in your favour.  
Accept the things that have come to stay and change those you would rather not have. Set your goals and work hard enough to see them actualize.
Remember, Only those who run the race till the end are worthy of the prize. See every pain of the past as a stepping stone taking you closer to your dreams.

You can only do your best and leave  the rest to God. Utilize the rest of 2015 because when it's gone, you can never have it back.

Greater  2016 ahead. Cheers! 

How to know you are gradually becoming a hater.

The initial title of this post was How not to come off looking like a hater but on second thought I concluded that if you come off looking like a hater, then you are definitely one. People don't just mistake a person for what such a person doesn't look or act like.

There are people who are complete "haters"  but don't even know what they do is hating. What this means is that you can be well balanced in the hate zone without even knowing you are a hater. The reason this is bad is because haters are "bad belle" people and you don't want to be tagged as one. It's not a nice title to have attached to anyone.

The following are some of the ways to detect you are gradually becoming a hater for real.

If you don't feel the need to congratulate a person when there is an obvious reason to, check yourself. You may be crossing over the line to the other side already.  If you are happy about a particular thing that has happened to a friend, neighbor, colleague, sibling, and so on, the most natural way to show it would at least be to congratulate them, right?   If you don't, then maybe you are not happy for them?

If you never give compliments, tell me why you won't be mistaken for a full blown  hater. Maybe the reason you would rather chew your tongue than give an appropriate compliment  is because there is something in you that would rather just hate. (Lol) Compliment that beautiful attire, gadget, the lovely voice,  e.t.c. Tell him the hair cut is nice before you are seen sporting thesame hairstyle the next week.

The third way to detect you are gradually becoming a hater is if you find yourself always disputing the obvious. Take for example, everybody knows Bovi is funny but then you say all his jokes are dry. (Laughs)  Why do I sense hate? You know you are gradually becoming a hater when you argue that someone intelligent is not, or when you call someone who is pretty ugly and the list just goes on. If it's true then just admit it. There is no use fighting facts just to make yourself feel better. Only haters do that.

You are very speedily becoming a hater if you enjoy bad mouthing a particular person. If your major subconscious aim when a person's name is mentioned is to speak negative of such person, then there is a "spirit"  of hating lurking somewhere within. Rebuke it.

If you never  have any positive or helpful comments to offer when a person confides in you on any issue, you are most definitely hating, no doubts. If you jeer or ridicule a person with the things they have confided in you about, it's hating. If you see the problems but never see the solutions, you are acting like a hater already.

You are gradually becoming a hater when your major  self imposed duty is to  look out for flaws in people to show that they are not as "perfect"  as they seem. Lol... This has "bad belle"  written all over it, doesn't it?  So, we all know there is no perfect person. We also know just because a person seems to have everything going so well doesn't mean they are perfect. But you don't have to appointment yourself the FLAW DETECTOR. Try channeling that energy into something more positive instead.

Lastly, you will know you are gradually becoming a hater when you make someone your competition. When you never want such a person to do better than you have done  and if they happen to  achieve more than you have, you feel bad about it. Life is not and will never be a competition. Learn to appriciate your efforts as well as those of others.

All of these ways could individually or collectively hint at whether or not you are gradually becoming a hater. If you are guilty of atleast one of these dark traits, learning to have a better self esteem can help you avoid becoming a mean person full time. .



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Thank you. 

Don't let pressure win!

Hey guys! I'm happy to have you here again. It's always such a pleasure knowing lovelies like you actually take out time to stop by LTZ. I cannot say how grateful I am.

For some time now, there has been a well meaning friend of mine who has been trying really hard to talk me into doing something that is quite smart but which I have absolutely no interest in doing. The friend feels the need to put up pressure until I am won over. Hmmm...

No matter how well meaning a person's intentions are, there are times we just want to do our thing our way  without letting anyone influence us into modifying or changing our plans. Very often however, we allow people pressure us into doing certain things we don't really feel comfortable doing. Sometimes, such decisions turn out beneficial. Other times, the reverse is the case. Either way, there are are certain things you must not allow anybody pressure you into doing. Let's see them.

Choosing a career. 
    It is a very common occurrence to see people,  especially parents and siblings, trying to pressure a person into studying a particular course or majoring in a particular field. They mean well but, hey, nobody knows your dreams and aspirations better than you do! At the end of the day,you would be the one to bear the burden and not them. Your career is your future and it's all sorts of wrong if you don't by yourself decide on what you want to do with your future. Don't allow anybody pressure you into modifying your dreams. 

Entering into a relationship;
   Entering into a relationship because you are been pressured is playing with fire. If you let pressure  win over common sense here, you may live to regret it and it's not worth the gamble. Entering into the wrong relationship can destroy a person so watch it. If somewhere in your head you just know entering into a particular relationship is not what is best for you, no need pushing it and don't let pressure win! 

Having sex;
   This is too sensitive a decision to even contemplate letting anyone pressure you into making. Too many people have sex these days before they are ready for it. In the end, some people start having regrets and all the emotional baggage that comes with sharing your body before you are ready. If you are not ready for sexual relations for any of the nuemerous reasons people hold on to, don't  allow anyone intimidate you into getting involved. If the decision is not yours, forget it.


 Giving your opinion;
    Your opinion is personal and if you think keeping it to yourself will be a better option in a particular situation, don't let anyone pressure you into making comments. There are times you need to stay quiet to save yourself and or others. Sounds petty right? But you'll be amazed at how much good keeping your opinion to yourself sometimes can do. Sometimes people just want your opinion to use it against you. Normally, people are not pressured into giving their opinion so when someone starts going, "Say something na. Just say what you think. Say anything", hmmm, you "gada" be careful what you say at that point. 

Spiritual/Religious stand.
    In these days when there are a lot of religious and denominational clashes, you must not let pressure be the reason you take a stand. You shouldn't be worshipping somewhere and faulting everything about them or  wishing you were somewhere else. At the end of the day, you will answer for yourself so allow God help you make the decision yourself. If you are not convinced about a particular place of worship then don't allow yourself to be pressured into going against your beliefs and convictions. I doubt if on the last day saying something like, "I did it because of my ..." will save an already bad situation. 

In all, people pressure you into doing things because they want to change you. They probably think you should do certain things differently because they think it's what's best for you. (I wonder how people get around to knowing what is best for other people by the way) They may be right but if after all the pressure you still don't feel convinced, then don't let pressure win. 

Thank you for stopping by again. Don't forget to subscribe to the blog.  You could also drop  your comments,

Being a little more flexible

Hello, my dearest readers! How happy i am to have you visiting Talkasphere again!  To the old readers, i am humbled by your diligence  and if you are new, welcome to my small big world. Please stay with me.

The other day on Instagram, i stumbled upon a couple of my course mates (any of whom I never speak with by the way)  and by the time i was done "spying" on their timelines (Yes i spied on them. Judge me. Lol), i was saying to myself, "Maybe they are not as bad as i thought they were afterall." The big question  now is, "WHY THE HELL THEN HAVE I NEVER EVEN SPOKEN TO ANY OF THEM IN THE FOUR YEARS WE HAVE SPENT TOGETHER?"


 When i paused to think, i realized i barely speak to anyone who isn't a part of my "clique". As bad as it is, it's true. I've been bad like that. I have been a little too quick to look from a distance and conclude that certain people are not worth the stress either because I think they are too far up in their high Horse or because I'm thinking they are not my "type"( As if i have a type)  or maybe just because  they behave in a manner i question. Whichever way, i think by the time I'm done screening and discrediting almost everybody, i may have graduated and may never have the opportunity to get to know and appriciate the uniqueness of these people i had the opportunity to study with. Yes i have my own tiny circle of buddies but when it gets  down to real life, we need more than a closed group of friends. We all need each other!

• This may sound petty. You may be just like me and thinking well, i can't be friends with everyone. Yes, you are right. You can't be friends with everyone but you can be friendly with everyone. THAT'S THE POINT OF THIS POST. Friendliness with everyone. We know those people we haven't really been friendly with at work, in church, at school, in our neighborhood and even on social platforms (Seriously??).  Those are the people we need to be a little more flexible towards.
  
  What else is life about, anyway? We should't live for ourselves alone. The people we have around us are there for a reason if only we let them. The truth is, you don't really know anybody until you know them. So rather than judging wrongly  from a distance, getting to know people  first will give us a better deal.
  
  
  
  I know this is me calling myself out and hating on my anti social attitude  (hehehe)  but I know I'm not in this alone. We just need to be a little more flexible with people. Give everyone a chance and have reasonable fun. You'll be amazed by how much you can learn from /about people if you get to know them. Remember you don't really know anyone until you know them. No man is an island. They say man is a social animal afterall.
  
  I appologise for the fonts. They've been acting up all day. I also appologise for the challenges you've been having with commenting. The problem will be rectified as soon as possible. Please remember to subscribe to the blog and drop your comments.

• Thank you for stopping by. 

OUR Nigeria @ 55.

Hip! Hip! Hip! Hurray!!!
Nigeria is 55! Amazing, isn't it?

Nigeria is such a strong nation. Even with all the craziness going on in OUR country today, I just know it will get better. Maybe a little slow at first,  but surely.

I have often heared people over the years make statements like, "I beg, na government work.  No be my papa get am. I no fit carry am for head. "  Seriously, why do we even do this to ourselves and  OUR country?  There are people who "malhandle"  government properties and positions simply because they believe it belongs to the "government" afterall. I wonder who the government in this context is though. I'm bothered by this mentality. Some people even deliberately destroy government/ public  properties  thinking they are "getting back at the bad government" oblivious of the fact that they are only making things difficult for themselves and other  innocent citizens.

Nigeria belongs to us all! Nigeria belongs to you as much as it belongs to the president or any other big Nigerian name you can think of  for that matter! We can't keep up  with the nonchalant attitude when it comes to whatever belongs to "government" and still expect change for the better. How can it even work? If we all put the matters that relates to Nigeria on our shoulders ready to throw it off the moment we are no longer partaking of  the "national cake" how then can Nigeria ever grow into a strong and stable adult nation? Come on, if it's good for Nigeria, it's good for you and vice versa. It is our country. Let's take it "personally".

REFLECTION :What good have you ever done for Nigeria? In what way(s)  have you made Nigeria proud in your neighborhood, office, School, church, outside the country or wherever you have ever been privileged to find yourself? What can you do to make OUR Nigeria better?


Be the change you need. Nigeria is "OUR OWN".
#BeAPatrioticNigerian
#BePassionateAboutNigeria
#BelieveInNigeria
#TogetherWeCanMakeNigeriaBetter
#GodBlessNigeriaAndEverywhereElse

Happy independence day celebration!
Respect  to the heroes of our past. May their labour not be invain. Amen! 

PetPeeveFriday : Guys who fall in love from "behind"

HELLO! It's #PetPeeveFriday. What this means is that I'm going to be sharing one of my pet peeves with you guys.

SO, there are these set of guys i find very very annoying. These are the  guys who  would see a girl for the very first time from behind, walk up to her and profess undying love. They would call it "Love at first sight" . Ah! You didn't even get to see her face first! Really?! You call it love? Smh...

So, it takes  you just one look at a girl's behind to convince you that you are in love? In love with what exactly? Her behind?  Isn't it alarming how people just abuse the word love?


This "love from behind" madness is super annoying and I'm sure even the guys who adopt this insane method as their manner of approach must know the "onekainess" of the whole thing themselves.

I just want guys to stop it already! For One, i think it's a shameless  show of "shallow-mindedness" , Two, i think it's a major turn off for ladies and, Three, girls will see you as joke and who can blame them?   Even if you are shallow must you put it up on public display? Show some respect for yourself!

#PetPeeveFriday
It annoys me when guys do this. Please, please, stop it already .

I would  have said, "TGIF" but on a second thought, it's Friday so what? Abeg e, leave that thing. Lol... Keep on rocking.

Have a lovely weekend.

Nigerian Parents and their undying love for corporal punishment

I  know that just like me, some people must have wondered why most of our Nigerian Parents seem to be so into corporal punishment. I  cannot say with a clear conscience however if i believe such punishments are meant to correct and deter an errant child from continuing in whatever wrong act may have warranted such punishment or if it is done merely as a sort of vengeance on the child for whatever reason .

The other day on TV during a street talk program, people were asked when they thought parents should stop using corporal forms of punishment like canning   and beating. Most responses were funny. Some people settled for 18 years, some 16 years and so on. The most striking response however was that of a woman who said, "Ah! Nothing like age for there o. I go beat my pikin until e get sense as long as he still dey my house even if na 25 years im be."  Lol ... This is outrageous. Isn't 25 years a way  over the edge? What would you want to be beating a 25 years old person for?

Now, the question  is not even if parents should administer or permit corporal punishment. There are several divergent schools of thought on that one. Personally though, being the typical Nigerian that i am, and being also that I have been corporally punished on several occasions in the past , i think there is nothing wrong in hitting a child when necessary if it is done mildly and it doesn't cause any serious physical injuries.  That's the catch.  That not withstanding, beating a child after a  particular age should be seriously discouraged.

Some parents go to the extreme in "disciplining"  their wards. Some punishments are so violent, they leave permanent scars. I thought the aim of punishment was to correct? What then is the use of leaving permanent reminders of mistakes on your child? They try to justify it by quoting the "spare the rod and spoil the child"  thing. Even the Bible limits the use of the  rod to a child!  In other words, if the person is no longer a child, corporal punishment must  be done away with totally.

Personally, i'll go with age 12. Corrections after a person clocks 12 years   should and must be done verbally or through any of the other available and equally- if not more effective- means such as withholding privileges. Okay, maybe a slap or two once in a while but not that thorough canning thing parents just seem to enjoy doing. There's nothing any corporal punishment will change after age 12 in my opinion  except to strain the relationship between the  parents and their children. Plus the really extreme ones have psychological effects.

Then there are those siblings and weird neighbors who take it upon themselves to "discipline" siblings and neighbor's kids. How awkward can it get? Who send you message? Parents should never allow this, please. It's wrong for too many reasons.

I'll conclude with this:
If it isn't mild, if the receiver isn't a "child"  and if such punishment isn't administered by the parents, then  corporal punishment should be done away with. Children should be brought up with love rather than cruelty. Earn their respect rather than make them fear you. There are a thousand and one other ways to deter bad behavior. Physical brutality is not our culture. Let's frown at it.

Having said that, thank you for visiting Talkasphere. Please don't forget to subscribe and drop your comments and contributions.

What sort of friendship is based only on talking about men?

It's a damp  Thursday afternoon  and I'm somewhere in Delta State snuggling under my cover cloth. I'm grateful to God for this beautiful day.

So, I'm struck once again by how much we ladies like to sit down and brag just about anything we have. The most annoying of all is what i want to talk about.

So far, i think there are only a handful of things i find more annoying than a group of "friends" whose conversations only begins with and revolves around  phrases like, "My boyfriend...", "There's this guy that's asking me out... ",  "He gave me money to buy this...". Yes, these group of girls. They more often than not are so painful on the ears it literally hurts to listen to them. Having spent a  great deal of time in the midst of different girls from different backgrounds overtime , i can say this is a quite common conversation trend amongst us ladies but damn, i can never get used to it.

SO, i know of these group of "friends"  who would  only talk about their boyfriends and what he's got them and who is asking them out and what their latest belongings are and how their boyfriend or some other random guy has  promised to get them this or that and all that junk.  Seriously, is there nothing more this "friendship" is about? Next thing i know, they are having a big quarrel because one has been sneaking behind another's back to go on secret dates with her boyfriend and has been demanding money from the friends' boyfriend. When i heared about it i was like, "Ehen, I'm even shocked it took her this long to start doing stuffs with the guy behind the friend's back."  When all your conversions are about "My boyfriend this, my boyfriend that"  Why will she not attempt to snatch him? So, since you are dating a guy who would trek to hell and back just to give you whatever expensive thing you want and hers cannot afford to buy her expensive things you want her to go and die? No, she will not kill herself. She will snatch him from you and you will cry a river.

Who even told you the friends you are yapping on and on to about your man care to know about your latest man update? There are two kinds of girls who will join you in this kind of senseless conversation. The first is the one who wants to know if you are better than her. She's the one who will tell you about her own MEN when you tell her about yours. She turns it into a silent competition. When you say, "The man did this..." she says, "Mine did something similar. " The one who says" I used to have this bag he bought you but i gave it out." She is not your friend. She's like a spy. Coming to know what latest you have and you never disappointment her. You most likely bitch about each other behind each other's back.
The second one is the one who listens dreamy eyed. She says things like, "You are so lucky, It's so fine, una when get una own good o." She is the one who would  do alot of stupid things to "upgrade" so she can "feel among". She bitches more about you behind your back and she will eventually make a move on the man or even do something worse.

What this means at the end is that you have to start lying to each other at some point and most importantly what it means is you are neither a friend nor do you have any friends because what you call friendship actually sucks. Why? Because that isn't even worth calling a friendship in the first place. What sort of person talks about boyfriends all day long? What sort of friends have no conversation when there are no men to talk about?

This is not me telling you not to talk to your friends about the things going on in your life but you just have to tune it down a bit. The truth is nobody really cares to know about what you have if they don't have it or have something better. If it must be about a  man, keep it to yourself for two reasons. One, nobody cares to know and two, it doesn't even make any sense.

Encouragement Vs Mockery

Good day, I hope you've had a lovely day so far. I did, and right now i just want to talk. So, I'm up in your face again o, with my talk. Forgive me.

   It's funny how sometimes people who want to encourage someone whom they feel  needs some sort of encouragement just end up annoying the hell out of such people instead. It happens every day. You'll hear people  saying something like, "I no blame you. Na condition. If not, how can she say this? "  Hmmm...

Personally, i think the dividing line between encouragement and mockery is very thin. Sometimes you can't tell if an encouragement is genuine or if it's actually aimed at driving you crazy. Yes, really. I know some people may have good intentions and present it badly but still, if you hurt someone in the name of encouragement you join this category of people, no vex. You should learn to be sensitive.

See this scenario for example. You check your result, say in school and it's good. Your friend checks his and it isn't so good. He's feeling down. PLEASE, i beg you, this is not the right time to share the testimony of how even though you didn't write a thing or read in preparation for the exams you still scored an A+. Please, oh, please! Not now. He doesn't want to know. Or at least now now.

Take another scenario for instance, you stumbled upon an old time school mate who is still unemployed. He's telling you how he's struggling to make ends meet and you are like, "Ehya, no worry. God go help you. But life sha! Na you go church pass us that year o. Na we bad pass then but na we God come dey bless so. No worry, all fingers are not equal. Your time will come. One day one day."  Ehen! Bros, who raised you? No! No! No! You don't say that to anyone! That's mockery.

Then later when the person's hurt turns into full blown anger you term them "Bad belle people". When someone is feeling down is not the time to rub your testimonies in his/her face. The person may be genuinely happy for you but when the person is feeling raw inside is not the time to stick your success in his face. Haba! So what should he now do? Die?   It's bad manners.

Most of us are culprits of this one. If you are feeling too ecstatic about a particular thing while someone is mourning about the same thing (or even something else), it may do you both good if you can make yourself scarce for a while until you can pull yourself together and be a good and supportive friend. There are times when we need to be solemn and rational because that's what's best in the given situation. There are times you need to feel sad just because your friend is feeling sad. Yes! Yes again. Isn't that what friends are for?


And as for those people who enjoy rubbing painful stuffs in people's faces your turn dey come. "We both got on a diet together, we exercise together regularly , now I'm trim and fit but  you are still kind of fat but don't worry sha, you are still better than before." Ehen, you fit just shut up? Who this kind of encouragement help?

I'm making it sound trivial but the truth is, nothing breeds bad blood faster than turning an encouragement into a  gloating circus. If you don't have some real encouragement to give, shut it. I think we should learn to put ourselves in someone else's shoes sometimes and see from their eyes. So when next you want to make someone feel better, weigh your words carefully before saying them.





Okay, light mood here. Thanks for reading yet again. You are a dream come true. 

Those Little Things

Life usually isn’t really as difficult as we like to imagine it is sometimes. Half the time, we struggle endlessly looking for what we already have right under our noses. This is because we fail to realize that not all the best things in life come in fancy and flashy packages.
Sometimes, we just need to dig a little deeper and look a little closer to find the best things. In most cases, while we spend all our time looking in seemingly promising places, we tend to overlook the solution to our challenges which we may have had right at the tip of our fingers from time immemorial.

So as i debut Talkaspherecom with this post (Though i can’t promise the mood of my posts will always be this serious. Thankfully! ), i would like to encourage us to pay a little more attention to those things we may have tagged “Small and insignificant” in our lives. Who knows where we’ll find our treasures?
Thanks a ton for visiting Talkaspherecom and for reading this post. Please visit often. If you are here, you care. What’s this post if you don’t read it anyway?